Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
