i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
