The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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