goodnight i made you a song goodbye
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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