Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
