I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
