His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
