my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
