You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
