I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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