You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
