i permit you to call me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize