He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
