You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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