there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
