Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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