a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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