he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
