He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
