Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize