She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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