I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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