Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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