allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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