I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
