Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
