i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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