I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
