i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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