They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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