No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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