I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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