i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have fence marks all over my body
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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