I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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