i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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