There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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