all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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