Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
