He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
