Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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