I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
