just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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