She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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