if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
honey bunches of taint.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
