Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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