If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize