DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
