how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
