my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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