i just had sex bonerless
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
