Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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