You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
