in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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