first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
