she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize