I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
