im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
