Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
