So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
