We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
