the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
