I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize